109 Eric Cartman Quotes

I got my period
I hate you guys
Screw you, hippie
Ah, son of a bitch
I'll roshambo you for it
I hate you, I want you to die
fuck, fuckitty, fuck, fuck, fuck
You're damn right he did
You guys are hella stupid
Kenny, your family is poor!
Don't touch me Kenny
I'm not fat, I'm big-boned
Respect my authorithai!
Hey. You did me already
Yes! I am God of the sea people!
I'm not fat, I'm festively plump
Cuz I'm hella cool, that's why
Democrats really piss me off
This book was pretty good. I give it a B-
Then it's decided. Phil Collins concert for all of us
Okay, Token, give me a sweet bass line
Boy, he sure ran that into the ground
My mom says there's a lot of black people in Africa
You picked a fine time to leave me, Lucille
I love you guys. Eh, screw you guys
I mean, oh wow, these poor, unfortunate people
They're not people, they're hippies!
Well, I'm pissed off, Rick! How are you?
Whoa, this guy's tiny. He must be a dwarf
Oh, the tears of unfathomable sadness! Yummy!
Oh, this is a democratic boy band, is it?
Yeah, I want some Cheesey Poofs
I'm just saying you're just a little wuss, that's all
Looks like Stan's dad's been hitting the bottle again
This is Baghdad? God, what a shithole
OK, that's enough fat-ass jokes for this week
Butters, what the hell are you doing?
Butters, remind me to cut your balls off later
M-o-o-o-mmm, Kitty is being a dildo
A bunch of fat old skanks on their periods?
Oh good, he got the crappy kidney
Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah? Say that to my face, pussy!
Fuck you, Kenny! Bebe, you're still cool!
Ah, fuck you Token, you black asshole!
Dude, that is not cool! Chopping off wee-wees is not cool!
We're never gunna get any candy if Kenny keeps eating people!
I don't want to be friends with a midget. Midgets piss me off
Oh, Kyle, you just made a huge withdrawal at the First Bank of Lies
Intelligent and friendly on rye bread with some mayonnaise
The fireman is very magical. Rub his helmut and he spits in your eye
Well, I'm just sayn, man, seriously, don't mess with kitty, man
I think we should go to Lalalapalalala anyway just to see Phil Collins
How are all my little friends, with their little dreams?
Get as sick as you want, just give me a goddamn bass line!
That didn't stop any of the other boy bands, dumbass!
I'm not fat, I just haven't grown into my body yet you skinny bitch
Why don't we all sing, "Kyle's Mom is a Stupid bitch" in D-minor?
Dude. You know that feeling when you take a huge dump? Awesome!
Drugs are bad because if you do drugs you're a hippie and hippies suck
Follow your dreams. You can reach your goals. I'm living proof. Beefcake. Beefcake!
It's Christmas. We officially missed it. It's Christmas Day and I'm in Canada
Kenny said in hell people speak Spanish and the water there gives you diarrhea
Token, how many times do we have to go through this? You're black. You can play bass
Who the hell cast Tom Hanks in this? Tom Hanks can't act his way out of a nutsack!
Dolphins, eskimos, who cares? It's all a bunch of tree hugging hippie crap
Come on Kyle. Just because your mom is a bitch doesn't mean that we all have to suffer
Days never endin, massa got me workin, someday massa set me free!
Be a man Stan. Say, "Hey woman, you shut your mouth and make babies"
Do not open your eyes until morning. Or else I will kick you in the nuts!
You know, maybe we're not seeing heaven because one of us is a J-O-O
Ten dollar! Eight dollar! You give me eight dollar, soldier boy! Sucky, sucky, five dollar!
Oh, that's so sweet you guys. You two want to get a room so you can make out for a while?
Oh sweet. The "Life-Sized Blow-up Antonio Banderas Love Doll". What a cool Christmas present
Stan, you need to lay off the cough syrup, all right, seriously. I'm worried about you man
My mom lied to me just like your parents lied to you and now where poor like Kenny's family
Freinds ay have to tell you dat last night, Ay received a phone call from beyond da grave-ah
Oh and look what Kyle's got me, it's a red Megam, Ants in the Pants, Ants in the Pa, Ants in the Pants
Yeah, I bought all that I could at this bank, and then I got the rest from this guy Ralph in an alley
He said der is water in Hell, but if you drink it you pee blood out your ass for seven hours-ah
Kenny's family is so poor, they had to put their cardboard box up for a second mortgage
fuck you, May, fuck you, Annie, fuck you, BeBe, fuck you, whatever your name is, and fuck you, bitch!
I have never in my life done anything just for the money! If I'm lying may the Lord strike me down right now!
You know that feeling when the huge dump you just took shoots back up inside your ass? No, I'm not all right!
Heaven could be like the pixie fairies of bubblegum forrest. you only see them if you really believe it them
Shoved it right up my ass, forever ruining any chance of you coming to my birthday party. Sorry, Pip ol chap
You so much as touch kitty's ass, and I'll put a firecracker in your nutsack and blow your balls all over your pants
If some sissy chick tried to kick my ass I would say hey, missy, go knit me a sweater before I slap you in the face!
Well God, I guess you got me again, didn't you? Yeah, that was a good one, God. Hope it made you laugh, you sick bastard
Okay, that does it! Now, listen! Why is it that everything today has involved things either going in or coming out of my ass?!
Don't worry, Tweek. Your family can go on welfare. Kenny's family's on welfare and they're happy, isn't that right, Kenny?
Naw dude, independent films are those black and white hippy movies. They're always about gay cowboys eating pudding
And perhaps worst of awl, in Hell der are dozens and dozens of little trinket stores, but they all have the same little trinkets in dem
Oh, look what I did with Kyle's money. I had it changed into singles so I could roll around in it like this. Oh, Kyle's money
Hmm, what could I have done with Pip's invitation? Pip's invitation, Pip's invitation, Oh, I remember. I shoved it up my ass
Kyle, if you mess this up, so help me God I will rip your balls of with my bare hands! With my bare hands, goddamn you!
Yeah, and the sweet thing is, the stupid asshole didn't even charge me money for it. He just made me close my eyes and suck on a hose
It's a man's obligation to stick his boneration in a woman's separation, this sort of penetration will increase the population of the younger generation
No, Kenny, point the blade the other way otherwise you might cut yourself. There you go, Isn't this fun you guys, carvin pumpkins on Halloween?
All right, look. I didn't want to have to say this, but i think maybe we're not seeing heaven is because one of us doesn't believe in it enough
Wendy, you are to get me the Yellow Mega Man. Which was supposed to be a gift given by Kenny, but Kenny has been turned into a duckbill platypus
I'm trying to make the best out of a bad situation. I don't need to hear crap from a bunch of hippie freaks living in denial! Screw you guys, I'm going home
I would never let a woman kick my ass. If she tried something, I'd be like, Hey! You get your bitch ass back in the kitchen and make me some pie!
You son of a bitch, You were supposed to get me the red Megaman, now I can't make Ultra Mega Megaman, you dirty cheap ass piece of crap
The rest of you go get the goods on Stan. His mom grounded him once for setting something on fire. Let's find out what that something was and then lie and say it was a puppy
You guys are my best friends, Through thick and thin, We've always been together, We're four of a kind, Havin fun all day, Palin around and laughin away, We're best friends, Best friends are weeee!
It was our departed friend, Kenny, calling from da depths of Hell. And he described what Hell is like in horrid detail-ah. He said dat in Hell, da smell is awful. He said dat in Hell, everyone speaks Spanish
What you lookin at? You all a bunch of fuckin assholes. You know why? You don't have the guts to be what you wanna be? You need people like me. You need people like me so you can point your fuckin fingers and say, "That's the bad guy"
If some girl tried to kick my ass, I'd be like, "Hey. Why don't you stop, dressing me like a mailman, uh, and making me dance for you, while you go and, smoke crack in your bedroom, and have sex with, some guy, I don't even know. On my dad's bed
Yeah, you got your brother back but I didn't get any presents. And what did I tell you, Kyle? I told you if we didn't make it back in time for Christmas I was gonna whoop your ass, didn't I? Now you're gonna get it, motherfucker. That's it, you and me. Right now. We're having it out. Come on. Come on